A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend after an 8-year-long relationship. They were living together, in a flat, away from each other's home and away from a lot of family trouble. They were happy in their world. They were happy with each other. They were living a life of an almost married couple. Many times, there were at least 3-4 people in the society they resided in, who would casually ask, "So how's your wife? Are you guys planning on kids?" Considering the Indian mindset, they would never say they weren't married, or that they are not looking forward to having kids, at least not so early on. They were around 25 years old then and they wanted to explore the world, understand each other and then maybe, they'll get married and decide on a lifestyle. They were happy.

But one fine day, things took a lethal turn. They fought. The two of them stopped talking to each other. The matters got even worse with a passing day and one day, they just called it quits. They started hating each other to an extent that the girl went ahead to tell her parents about her thoughts of getting married and settled in an arranged set-up. Within the next 2-3 months, she was a bride and in the next 4 months, she was even pregnant. So, the girl had a family, a husband (a very loving one though), a to-be baby, and a good-earning job that she already had. What did the boy have? Shattered hopes of nothingness.

While he was sure he didn't want to be back with her, he didn't know what to do and where to go. He landed in such a mess because when they both were together, they had made a life with each other. They would roam around together, eat, enjoy and sleep together. This way, they separated themselves from their friends and family. They didn't have anyone other than each other. While the girl could afford to move on from this, the bot couldn't. He got stuck. When he thought of sharing all this with someone and talking about his condition to someone, he didn't know whom to call. It was over a year or two he would talk to someone about himself apart from work talks. He was all alone and trapped in a thought process of a highly self-deprecating nature.

He started blaming himself for everything around him. He began feeling numb. He couldn't relate to anything and then suddenly, he would be relating to everything. His work performance went down, his behavior shifted from being an occasional drinker to a regular one and from a one-smoke-a-month to one-packet-a-day. He was sliding into depression. Moreover, the one with whom he would usually talk was married and was going to have a baby. And where is he? Writhing in pain. Not of losing her. But of not being able to recover from the past life and confusion in everything.

One day, I saw his status on Instagram where he had reposted some sad songs. I asked him casually, "Hey, been a long time. What happened?" and as if he was needing an outflow, he cried his heart out. He kept crying after that too. He was lost, confused, upset, and depressed. At the end of everything, he asked me, "Why do people hate me?"

That time, I could only console him. I could only say things like, "Noone hates you, everything will be fine. Stop crying. Start with small baby steps. Find a hobby. Quit drinking. Not more than one smoke a day..." and the likes. But the question stayed in my mind.

Why do people hate me? Why is anyone hated?

Is it because we are so self-engrossed that we don't care about anything else? Is it because there is nothing new I can offer to my connections and then I get obsolete for them? Is it because I am where they wanted to be and they are not able to process this success of mine?

Well, I don't know. I have no idea why I am hated. Maybe, no one knows why they are hated. Or, if they are hated or not. they just are making things difficult for themselves by falling into this, as I would term it, "Why me?" trap which makes them start depreciating their value themselves. Everyone starts noting their worst insecurities and then starts making up reasons that actually may not even make sense. I believe that "It's not you, it's me" is just another self-deprecating method of taking the guilt on yourself.

Maybe people don't hate you. Maybe, it's your thought process that you hate and that makes you believe that someone hates you. Maybe the guilt of not being able to do something better makes you believe that people hate you. And this multiplies. There is no end to this. So, what's the best alternative to self-loathing?

Start afresh. Look out on the flip side that if there is someone, who maybe hates you, then there has to be at least one person, who loves you. There has to be at least one person who is indifferent to you. there has to be at least one person who doesn't even know you.

This will do just one thing. You will be able to see the world differently. You will be able to find a new life cycle. You will be able to make a new friend circle. You will be able to understand that even if your conscience tries to trick you into pain, you can trick it back into being even more happening.

Slowly, you will be motivated to make a hobby out of it. Slowly, you will be able to make your mind focus on what is good in you. Slowly, you will start feeling what was wrong actually and that needs correction. And before you know it, you have already transformed. Is this because people hate you? No. Is this because you think people hate you and so you are trying to become better? Yes. But is this going to be like this every time? No.

So, each time you fall into the self-loathing, self-diminishing trap, stand up, and say to yourself, "There is someone who doesn't care, so let me be the one for my haters. The one, who doesn't care." This will rekindle the lost energy, the lost adrenaline, the lost passion, and the lost motivation and soon enough, you will rule the world you have built around yourself.

Cheers.... and till then, follow me @aparna.agarwal95 on Instagram.

Why Do People Hate Me?