Toxic Self-Love

Self Love is not what you think it is!

Pari Shah

5 months ago|4 min read


  • Love yourself the way you are - Loving oneself is important but there have to be limits to it. When you love yourself it's important to see to it that during the process you're not hurting someone else's emotions or going against something you shouldn't. For eg. A lot of societies do not allow women to wear exposing clothes. But if you really want to wear them, to fulfill your desires you can find different ways. For this one I would suggest that one can wear what they like while they're on a vacation but avoid it in front of the elders or people who are not ok with it. Also to love yourself you need someone else to love you first in fact. The first person who loves you is your parent/guardian, they're the ones who teach you how to love yourself, they are the ones who tell you what they love about you, that's when you realize that you have the following qualities which are very lovable. And you are not always lovable if your near and dear ones are telling you that you are getting toxic or something then start working on yourself instead of thinking that it's not you it's them who is toxic. We all know what toxic means!

  • Don't worry about others opinion - Others opinion is a very important aspect of life you can't just simply ignore it. It's toxic! Everyone's opinion matters. For eg. When you've to attend a marriage, would you just decide what you want to wear yourself, no, you ask your parents, your friends, your cousins what are they wearing, what do they think about your dress/gown/whatever you had decided. OR when you have to make your career choices you can't just decide it overnight. You think, you'll make a list of things you're interested in, you'll do research about what which career has to offer, how much you like it, is it worth it, you'll also take opinion of the people who are in that career OR when you're doing something for the first time you'll ask the experienced people for their opinion or if it right or if there's a mistake that needs to be corrected. So yes other's opinion does matter and even their perspective. If you don't care about what others think or say that's rather immature at times.

  • Allow yourself to make mistakes - Making mistakes is indeed fine, but not always. We must understand the situation and be careful. Correcting those mistakes and learning and growing is also very important and not all mistakes can be corrected so it's better to be cautious from the start. It is not necessary to be perfect, imperfections are nice, but being completely wrong is different. As we grow older we have more responsibilities and there are more and more people who look up to us. It's important to be kind and do good deeds for a better world, because you never know who is looking up to you.

  • Put yourself first - It's human nature to put oneself first and be selfish, putting your own choices first and putting yourself first are again two very different things. To explain you this toxic behavior better I'd like to present my own experiences. During my evening walk there was this one child (beggar) who was roaming around asking for water while everyone was ignoring him and I was listening to music I didn't realize it at first but faintly heard it so I had a choice of either just spending 10 bucks and giving him water or to leave silently like everyone else and I decided to buy some water for him. I've always been tight on my budget and avoided using money carelessly. Later when I returned from the store the boy rushed and hid behind something. I went to him smiled and gave him the bottle. At first when I saw him hiding and I got confused if he wanted the water or not. At this point too I had a choice if I should give the bottle or not, and I decided to give it. These are teeny tiny choices that could help people. Even though we are humans we lack humanity. Which is extremely disappointing. Everyone has their own struggles we must help them as much as we can than judge them for something they're not.

  • Guilt is a wasted emotion - Feeling guilty sometimes is rather a healthy emotion according to me. But if you really think it wasn't your fault it's better to let go. For eg. not getting good marks because you didn't study. Yes you should be a little guilty and work harder. On the other hand if your friendship with you bestfriend is broken because he/she found other friends, you mustn't take the blame on yourself thinking you did something wrong. That would be punishing your mental health because of someone who didn't care enough about you and let you go. But it'll be better if you keep in touch with them and still be friends that way you won't loose them completely and at the same time you'll be sure that it was not your or their fault. It was just time that changes everything.

    Thank You. And I'm sorry if any of you found it offensive. Take Care. Stay optimistic but again not always.


Hi, I'm Pari Shah. Trying to spread awareness.



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