Ok, so I know what you're thinking, "why the lower case i?" That is, of course, if you're paying attention to the beautiful image attached to this article and not the title which was unfortunately, like most things, out of my control. Well, here's your answer, I need the girlies that tune in to know that this
isn't some cute, themed tech blog where I'm giving tricks and tips on how to crack your computer. No, the only "tricks" I'm interested in are the ones that pay for steak dinners and luxury hotel rooms, the only "tips" I acknowledge are the ones left on the dresser, and the only thing I want cracked is my back during *** with a rich man and during a deep tissue massage that said rich man pays for! That's the type of "it" girl I am, not a girl in tech hacking computers, but a girl in Chanel hacking life!
Well... at least I want to be that girl. For as long as I can remember, I knew that I was different. Not like genius different though, kind of like, I just knew that I was a different breed. There are debates, you know?! On whether someone is born like me, or if it's something that you catch. I don't know why I'm walking on eggshells I should just go ahead and say it, after all we all know what I'm referring to... I too, suffer from "main character syndrome" otherwise known as "Carrie Bradshaw Disease." While others look at life like something that they get up every day and live, I see it as a production, a carefully balanced story of intrigue and drama revolving slowly around... that's right, you guessed it, moi! To me, I'm the star of my own little series and everyone else are just B characters sent to me by the producers (powers that be) to elevate my storyline. I know this is the part of the blog where you feel sorry for me, but don't fret, my long battle with this disease is over... and I lost!
For a very long time, I tried to fight the urge to be a bad bitch, to walk a little taller, to be a little more fearless, to act like the main ******* character! And why? All it ever did was stick me with insecurity issues, and an unhealthy closet obsession with being famous. I always knew that I was supposed to be the star, my spot directly under the spotlight. When I closed my eyes, I could see the flash of the paparazzi, the roar of fans cheering for me as I step out of my luxury limo onto my umpteenth red carpet of the year! Yes... that is the life I had envisioned for me, but you see mommy and daddy dearest had other ideas. While I saw myself as Pam Anderson in "VIP" (a beautiful but somewhat ditsy go getter) my parents, saw what was supposed to be a basic ***** who went to school, got a job, and then marriage and baby carriage. Yes, they sung that very old song and I bought into it, until I realized that I'm so vain, I need the song to be ABOUT ME! I can't live a life burdened with the expectations to follow a script I didn't audition for!
So... what exactly is this blog? It's my show, duh dummy! When you tune in here, you'll see a wannabe turn into a genuine, authentic, tear jerking, awe inspiring "it Girl." Week after week, or day after day, (it really depends on what I feel, I am the star after all) I'll be here to show you all what it takes to completely check out of reality and become the star of your very own show that is your life! And don't worry, in case you're suspicious, I am indeed INSANE, there's no question about it!
This isn't some know it all self-help book, this is me purposefully regressing into cliquey high school politics and values to become a HOT, SELF CENTERED, MELODRAMATIC, LEAD! This isn't going to be some cute story of me gaining self-esteem, it'll be a carefully edited storyline of me gaining societal beauty standards and faking self-esteem until everyone around me believes it. My nipples are tingling just thinking about how much time and effort I'll spend all on little ole ME! Ta ta for now, my soon to be fan girlies, this is the one and only "it Girl" signing off! Until next episode!