Hello From Dr. Arif.

I live in Kashmir, so can talk of Kashmir only, not sure of other places.

A very well researched news item published in various newspapers of Kashmir about growing number of unmarried women with increasing age prompted me to pen down few lines. There are so many marriage centers in Kashmir, they could have achieved greater successes if they explained concept of MEHR ,

Someone has rightly said “IF THERE ARE ONLY A FEW THOUSAND RICH IN SOCIETY REMAIN ASSURED MILLIONS WILL BE POOR”.

Myths and Double talk= Marriages are made in heaven but celebrated on earth.

Reality= Marriages are nothing short of a “big fat wedding “ where people show how rich they are on earth and not believe in heaven.

QUALITIES SOUGHT IN BRIDE GROOM

1=Well educated and no general health issues.

2=Government service, even if its junior clerk, formerly known as peon.

3=Having hefty salary.

4=Having bungalow in posh colony and not living with brothers and sisters or parents.

5=He should be able to pay maximum MEHER.

6=He and his family should be able to give infinite gold gifts.

7= He should be young , not bald ,many expect a senior doctor having qualifications of MBBS.MD to be 25 years old!

8=And how can we forget Wazwan of which half is dumped due to hot weather.

QUALITIES SOUGHT IN BRIDE GROOM

1 =Highly educated, fair skinned.

2=Wazwan.

3=Golden ornaments for herself which is then taken by mother in law.

4=Money for her clothes, now lehngas cost even lakhs.

Middleman or match maker gets regular money increments’ till marriage is finalized and at marriage a big gift.

One very important and amazing point.

Girls are very keen to get married by Moulvi Sahab in a semi Islamic function, but when it comes to divorce, etc mostly it’s not Shariah but court case and according to law of land.

Kashmir is a area, where unemployment rate is high, private business plunges deeply due to various reasons of past. No man or women is hundred percent perfect, but we have to learn that happiness can be achieved by accepting imperfect people and thus create perfect relationship. We Muslims have a rich history, when our beloved Prophet [PBUH] married a pious women whose age was 40. Look how our holy suhaba married widows of martyred companions without looking at their economic status. Its time parents and future brides and bride grooms accept that no one is perfect, marrying at elder age results in women having problems in having children, elder men too have same problems with their reproductive capacity.

MYTHS ABOUT MEHAR. Another cause of girls not marrying. Lets discuss it.

According to Islamic teachings in the hadith (sayings of Muhammad- SAW), mahr is the amount to be paid by the groom to the bride at the time of marriage, some of which may be delayed according to what is agreed upon by the spouses. The mahr is for her to spend as she wishes.It can be cash, jewellery or any other valuable gift. In some cases, per Sahih al-Bukhari (Volume 7, Book 62, Number 72), even an iron ring can be mahr. Yes ! Iron Ring.

A mahr is part of every Muslim marriage contract. The mahr may be separated into two parts. First, there is the muqaddam, or the prompt mahr, which the wife must receive at or immediately after the marriage ceremony. The second part of the mahr, called the mu'akhar, is a deferred and promised amount, payable at any agreed upon date following the consummation of the marriage. Often the deferred amount is larger than the amount paid at marriage. In theory, the deferred amount is supposed to provide the wife with a means of support, and is associated with the death or divorce of the husband, however this is a more traditional rather than Islamic stance on the matter. The muqaddam should be viewed as importantly as the initial dowry payment as it is an obligation to be fulfilled by the husband and is considered debt if it is not given to the wife within the timeframe agreed upon between the couple.

The mahr in any Islamic marriage contract is a fundamental religious right of the wife, and the husband may not reduce the mahr. Even upon the husband's death, the deferred mahr is paid from his estate before all other debts, because it is a religious requirement.

According to a hadith, Prophet Muhammad [ S.A.W] stated the mahr should be "one gold piece",but the mahr amount is often negotiated between the parents or guardians of the bride and groom (also called wali] , and the parties often draft mahr agreements by filling in the blanks of form contracts that employ standard boilerplate terms. The typical mahr containing marriage contract consists of the names of the parties, the amount of the mahr, a cleric's signature, the signature of two male witnesses, and a disclaimer that Islamic law will govern the marriage contract. In Islamic marriages, assets brought into the union by the wife may only be accepted by the husband after the mahr has been paid by him to her.

In Arabian world, there are varying interpretations of mahr containing marriage contracts, highlighting the differences between Maliki, Hanbali, Hanafi, Shafi, and Jafari schools of Islam For example, the Hanafi School holds that if the woman initiates the divorce (khulʿ) she cannot receive her mahr regardless of whether the husband is or is not at fault, while the Maliki School holds that when the husband is at fault for the divorce, the wife does not forfeit her right to the mahr even if she initiates the divorce. The schools also differ over the requisite number of witnesses to the contract. The Hanafi School requires two witnesses on the document for a mahr containing contract to be valid, while the Maliki School holds that witnesses are only needed at marriage's publication but not the document.

Mahr is similar in legal enforceability to donatio propter nuptias of Eastern Roman law, except some critical differences. Donatio propter nuptias was optional and voluntary, while mahr is mandatory and required for all Muslim marriages. Mahr is not an optional gift.The other difference was that donatio propter nuptias was a security the groom delivered to bride or registered in her name, at the time of marriage, in exchange for dos (dowry) that came with the bride. Mahr is a religious requirement according to Sharia.

Under Islamic law, there is no concept of marital property. In Islam, marriage is a contract between a man and his wives. A Muslim man and woman do not merge their legal identity upon marriage. The assets of the man before the marriage, and earned after the marriage, remain his during marriage, and in case of a divorce.

A divorce under Islamic law does not require redistribution of property. Rather, each spouse walks away from the marriage with his or her individual property. Divorcing Muslim women who did not work outside their home after marriage, except for the deferred mahr, are left with little or no claim on the collective wealth of the couple. The deferred mahr is considered a debt owed by the man to the woman, and is owed even if he has no assets.

Divorce under Islamic law may take many forms. If a woman wishes to divorce her husband she has two options: seek a tafriq, or seek a khulʿ. A tafriq is a divorce for certain allowable reasons. This divorce is granted by a qadi, a religious judge, in cases where the qadi accepts her claims of abuse or abandonment. If a tafriq is granted, the marriage is dissolved and the husband is obligated to pay her the deferred mahr in their marriage contract. The second method, by far more common in wife-initiated divorces, khulʿ is a divorce without cause, by mutual consent. This divorce requires a husband's consent and it must be supported by consideration that passes from the wife to the husband. Often, this consideration almost always consists of the wife relinquishing her claim to the deferred mahr. In contrast to allowable methods of divorce to a woman, a husband may unilaterally divorce his wife, as talaq, with no requirement to show cause, nor is there any intervention by a qadi. However, upon talaq, the husband must pay the wife her deferred mahr.

Western courts have treated mahr provisions in a manner similar to pre-marital contracts; however, in many cases the courts have considered the validity of the marriage contract in cases such as where proper disclosures were not made at the time of marriage, the bride and groom did not separately consent without duress, and in case the bride or both spouses entered into a child marriage prior to a legal age of consent.]

The Encyclopaedia of Islam 's entry on mahr states: "According to a tradition in Bukhari , the mahr is an essential condition for the legality of the marriage: 'Every marriage without mahr is null and void'.

Sura 4.4, 4.19, 4.20, 4.24, 60.10 and 60.11 of Qur'an require a groom to give a dower to a bride.

Author can be mailed at : arifmaghribi@yahoo.com

STRESS IN PARENTS OF PARENTS WHEN DAUGHTERS or SONS ARE UNMARRIED? How many know about Iron ring and law of inheritance.