27 Mirzapur Best Dialogues That Can Never Get Old

Jalwa Hai Hamara Yahan!

Ankita

Ankita

1 month ago|14 min read

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Mirzapur is a web series available on Amazon Prime Video. It is among those web series of Bollywood which are quite famous as well as loved by the Indian audiences. 

This web series has two seasons, depicting the Indian city Mirzapur in Uttar Pradesh. The first season was released in November 2018 whereas the second season was released in 2020. 

When Mirzapur season 2 was released, it broke the internet and went on to garner the position of most-watched web series within a week from its release. The IMDB rating of this series is 8.4. 

From acting to the storyline to dialogues all the things about this web series fell in place. Mirzapur dialogues are a major attraction since they are quite famous with memers and they are relatable too.

So, here we have brought to you the best Mirzapur dialogues from both seasons:

1. "To bhosdike iske liye tum hmare darwaje tk chale aae?"

Kaleen Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

This is the first Mirzapur dialogue. In this scene we see a customer complaining about the quality of guns to Kaleen bhaiya and he asks him. From this dialogue, we all get the idea of how savage he is!

2. "Chutiya hai wo important nahi hai hmara ldka hai wo important hai!"

Kaleen Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

J.P. Yadav brother of the UP minister in the series slaps Munna because he is pissed off by Munna's behavior. But Kaleen bhaiya makes sure by this Mirzapur dialogue that everyone out there gets an idea that no one should touch Munna, after that day.

3. "Kitni baar smjhaya hai kii pdhao likhai mein dhyan do IAS-YAS bano lekin nahi inki gaand mein to chanune kaat rahe hai!"

Munna Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

This is one of the best Mirzapur dialogues by Munna. He wants to be the president of the college and is not able to withstand the idea that anyone else is competing against him in the college elections. So, he is trying to scare the candidate in which he becomes successful.

4. "Jindagi ho to aisi ho warna jinda to jhaant k baal bhi hai"

Guddu Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Guddu is obsessed with the idea of power, fame, and money about which almost every middle man imagines. Son of a lawyer but he has big dreams and doesn’t want to end his life as a common man. 

When he sees Munna and his companions canvassing for him for the election he just compares Munna's life to every other common person through this Mirzapur dialogue.

5. "Vyapar mein partnership zabardasti nahi kii jaati"

Bablu Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Bablu was very clever and knew how to use words so that the person in front of him has no choice but to accept his offer. When a new police officer comes to Mirzapur it becomes difficult for him to sell drugs in the city so he thinks of using transgender for his work. With this dialogue, he makes sure that they are working for him.

6. "Ab chahe saanp ghar mein aake dosti karle rheta to zehreela hii hai na"

Guddu Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

When Guddu and Bablu run away to Jaunpur they are confronted by Rati Shankar Shukla, the rival of Kaleen bhaiya. He makes an offer to Guddu for joining hands with him and we all are anxious whether Guddu is loyal to Kaleen bhaiya or not but with this dialogue he makes it clear that he would not be deceiving Kaleen bhaiya.

7. "Jis din ham iss line mein ghus gaye na dobara puri zindagi nahi nikal paaenge"

Bablu Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

When Kaleen bhaiya observes that Guddu and Bablu are fearless and bold he proposes an offer to them. He asks them to think whether they will join his business and work for him or not. 

When they both discuss Guddu says that it would be good if they would join hands with Kaleen bhaiya since it would give them power but we see Bablu saying this. This dialogue turns out to be true as we witness the events that unfold in the later episodes.

8. "Bhut takleef hoti hai jab aap yogya ho aur log aapki yogyata na phchaane"

Munna Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Bablu is intelligent and hence everyone praises him and soon he becomes the talk of the town too. Jealous of this Munna says this to Bablu. 

We all agree to this Mirzapur dialogue since we all have been in situations where our parents compare us with other children, failing to look at the qualities of their own children who are capable in other fields.

9. "Chacha... oo bhosdiwale chacha thoda rest kar lijiye warna rest in peace ho jaaenge"

Munna Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Munna breaks into a marriage that is attended by Guddu and his family. Since he is pissed off by their behavior, hence he goes there to murder them. 

So that he can have a good grasp of the situation he asks everyone to gather in front of him but then there is an old man who seems to pay no heed to whatever Munna is saying. Tired of his attitude Munna addresses this old man with this dialogue.

10. "Abe gaand na fulao maa chod denge bhosdike paisa batao kitna huaa"

Guddu Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Guddu and Bablu are having a conversation about Bablu's future. But then he tells Guddu that for the preparation of his exam and clears it he needs to go to Lucknow but their father doesn’t have that much money. 

But then Guddu tries to convince him that he needs to pressurize his father, saying that the middle man is “chutiya”. To this, the mechanic agrees and agitated Guddu threatens him to do his work.

11. "Violence tbhi accha lgta hai jab tk wo kisi apne k sth na ho"

Golu Gupta | Mirzapur Dialogues

Bablu helps Golu in canvassing for elections, when Munna gets to know that Golu is against him his goons try to disrupt the election rally. 

Then Bablu shoots the gun and points at them so that they can leave them alone. Disturbed by this Golu tries to convince Bablu that violence is not a good thing, and he should try to leave this line as soon as possible. And this Mirzapur dialogue is perfect with the nature of powerful people as they encourage violence as long as it doesn’t reach their own home.

12. "Bhosdike!... vishuddha chutia ldke ho tum chup raho ek dum chup"

Kaleen Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

When Kaleen bhaiyya gets to know that Munna was dancing in one of the baraat and he has shot the groom Kaleen bhaiya asks him that why this information is coming to him through a police officer and not Munna. 

When Munna tries to explain the situation with lame reasons Kaleen bhaiya scolds him, indicating that he is not spoiling Munna by backing him off.

13. "Ye bhi theek hai"

Robin | Mirzapur Dialogues

Robin, the cutest character of the whole Mirzapur season 2, used to convert black money into white money or used to invest it to make it double. 

He accepts everything which seems unpleasant to him saying “ye bhi theek hai" which he repeats most of the time. He was clever since he always knew how to twist words and through this ability only he gets most of his work done.

14. "Jeet kii guarantee tbhi hoti hai jb jeet aur haar dono aapke control mein ho"

Shakuntala Shukla | Mirzapur Dialogues

Shakuntala Shukla wife of Rati Shankar Shukla, after the demise of Rati Shankar Shukla she is the only person who can guide and is trustworthy left beside her son, Sharad. 

Whatever Sharad does he informs her and asks for advice. During one such conversation only, she says this to her son, depicting that she is also intelligent and knows how to survive.

15. "Hum hai rajneta aur chutia banana hmara kaam hai"

J.P. Yadav | Mirzapur Dialogues

When J.P. Yadav brother of UP CM Surya Pratap Yadav gets to know that Munna has created a havoc in one of the marriages in Lucknow and Kaleen bhaiya doesn’t have funds to support his party. He says this to Kaleen bhaiyya since according to him Kaleen bhaiya is making fool of him.

16. "Neta banna hai to gunde paalo, gunde bano matt"

Election authority of college | Mirzapur Dialogues

For the presidential election in his college, Munna is one of the candidates and he wants to be the president of the college no matter what. 

So, whenever a strong candidate stands in opposition to Munna he threatens him to leave the election. In this procedure only he beats up one of the candidates in his opposition. So, when the election authority of the college gets to know about this, he gives this piece of advice to Munna.

17. "Taqleef unki nahi hoti jo chale jaate jai, taqleef unki hoti hai jo peeche reh jaate hai"

Lala | Mirzapur Dialogues

So as to take revenge on Bablu and his family Munna breaks into a marriage. The marriage was of Lala's daughter. Lala is the drug supplier for Kaleen bhaiya. Munna shoots him to be his son-in-law. 

The father of the groom in a conversation with Lala reveals that he wants to take revenge on Munna for his son's death, so Lala advises him not to take any step in hurry. So, furiously he replies that you don’t care since your daughter is alive. This leads to Lala saying this. This Mirzapur dialogue shows us how deep Lala thinks!

18. "Maa chudae behenchod ye aadmi"

Doctor | Mirzapur Dialogues

Guddu was injured due to the bullets shot by Munna and he was treated by this doctor. So that Guddu's whereabouts can not be revealed the doctor is held as a hostage. 

Guddu experiences nightmares and ends up injuring himself. So as to stop him doctor intervenes but he was attacked by Guddu. Agitated by his behavior doctor says this about Guddu.

19. "Papa..bauji pagla gaye hai unka dimaag unke ghutno mein hai aur unke ghutne kaam krte nahi hai"

Munna Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

When Bauji and Kaleen bhaiya get to know that Munna and Madhuri are in a physical relationship, Bauji advises Kaleen bhaiya to bring Madhuri as their daughter-in-law but Munna says he doesn’t love her. 

But Kaleen bhaiya totally accepts the proposal of Bauji. In the pursuit of convincing his father that this is not a good idea, he ends by saying this Mirzapur dialogue.

20. "Vyapaar jab bhi karo to jo 2 kaano k beech mein hak uska prayog karo jo 2 tango k beech mein hai uska nahi"

Dadda Tyagi | Mirzapur Dialogues

In season 2 of Mirzapur, we get to see another character Dadda Tyagi, who is a businessman in Bihar. We get to see that he doesn’t allow the drugs business in Bihar but golu somehow convinces his younger son to get involved. 

Since his younger son loves her he also agrees so this is the piece of advice given to his son by Dadda Tyagi.

21. "Matlab aise kuch immediate soche nahi hai but sochenge"

Munna Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Due to continuous loss in the drugs business of Kaleen bhaiya, he was discussing how to develop his gun business with Bauji. 

Since the business of guns was handled by Munna he interrupts in between the discussion but without any solution to this problem, due to which he gets a scolding from his father.

22. "Bhosdike gutka Kam khaaya karo tattoo cancer hojaaega, Amar hum hai tum nahi"

Munna Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

One of the most hilarious Mirzapur dialogues is when Munna notices one of his goons eating tobacco so he advises him to stop eating tobacco since it can lead to prostate cancer, as everyone is not as fateful as him who can escape death.

23. "Jalwa hai hamara yahan"

Munna Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Kaleen bhaiya appoints Munna for taking care of the election rally of Surya Pratap Yadav in Mirzapur where he appoints Madhuri, his daughter for the rally. 

She was late and people start shouting Munna's name, Madhuri asks the reason and this is the reply of Munna.

24. "Kutte ke Malik ko dost bana lo kutta apne aap bhaunkana band kar dega"

Bauji | Mirzapur Dialogues

When Kaleen bhaiyya tells Bauji how J.P. Yadav behaved with him when he goes to see him, Bauji advices to Kaleen bhaiyya that befriending his brother Surya Pratap Yadav would be benefitting for them, in a way that they would be directly communicating with him. So as to remove J.P.Yadav, Kaleen bhaiya also agrees.

25. "Saala NPA ban gaye hai, non performing asset"

Kaleen Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

Due to Kaleen bhaiyya’s inability to sexually satisfy his wife, she taunts him and brings to notice this problem again. So, Kaleen bhaiyya murmurs this to himself that he is of no use. 

I really love this thing about Kaleen bhaiya that he doesn’t get furious when he is pointed about his inability rather, he accepts them and tries to move on.

26. "Aurat chahe chambal kii ho ya purvanchal kii ab agar gun uthai hai to dikkt mein hai"

Doctor's wife said to Golu Gupta | Mirzapur Dialogues

The doctor reaches home and tells his wife that during the whole journey to his way back home, he was at gunpoint. His wife tries to convince him by saying this dialogue and at the same time makes sure that they all feel comfortable there.

27. "Jab kurbaani dene ka time aaye to kurbaani sipaahi kii dii jaati hai, raja aur rajkumar to jinda rhte hai rajgaddi par baithne k liye"

Munna Bhaiya said this to Kaleen Bhaiya | Mirzapur Dialogues

The massacre that Munna creates in the marriage of Lala's daughter becomes quite popular and everyone gets to know about it. So, as to save the reputation of CM of UP Kaleen bhaiyya makes Lalit(Munna's friend) guilty and gets him killed. 

When Kaleen bhaiya asks Munna what is learning this is the reply. Through this Mirzapur dialogue, we get to know that Kaleen bhaiya can go to any extent in order to save Munna.

These are the best Mirzapur dialogues of the characters, remembered by people through memes and their amazing tone and expressions. The characters were also quite well versed with accents too. 

The hard work they have put in can be seen in the series that they don’t even look like they are acting. All in all this series is worth watching.

Do let us know your favorite Mirzapur dialogue in the comment box below. 

Also, like and share this list with other fans of Mirzapur, coz “Dabdaba bana rehna chahie”.

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Ankita

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Ankita

Hi, I am Ankita. Yes, I laugh at my own jokes.

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