Loneliness is inspiration

In today’s world, many people are lonely. Some feel bad about it, others take it as a lesson, and third, make it their inspiration.
I am from the third group. In my life, I used to be lonely. I am still like this, but the difference is that after so many rejections and betrayals, I choose to stay this way. Sometimes it is better to be a lone wolf.

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Feelings are too fragile and can hurt people easily. But thanks to the people become stronger.
From a young age, I was a loner. I have never perceived myself as a pretty girl or a beautiful woman for the boys and men. Or I may have been so cold and distant-looking. I am not sure about this.

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Years have gone by, and I began to see it as typical as I walk on the road daily.
I cried a lot at the beginning of that. It was in my teenage.
Then I began to look at myself in the mirror and chin up with new power to create and write. The pain of rejection became my greatest inspiration.
I think nobody should sit and cry if there is a rejection by others. It is always better to feel the pain of being alive and dumped than to stay dead in the heart.
Why do I find this new kind of inspiration? Well, there are things and feelings we can not change. Some people will not accept, like, or love us. But that is because the problem is in them and their feelings.
When between two persons is not chemistry and I speak about emotional one, there is no hope the feelings to be shared. The situation will become worse with time. Until the point when two people neglect themselves so much, that they even can’t stand each other.

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Inspiration is to look deeper into the reasons why you got rejected. If the problem is in your insecurity, you should fix it. But if the problem is unmet expectations toward yourself, then it is not yours.
The first time I got rejected was when I was on 11 years. There was a time I felt in the purest childish love. It was my first love. When I got dumped, I felt broken and depressed. I had so many negative emotions I couldn’t accept, and I thought I do not survive after them. But I overcame them, and I started to write poetry. My grandmother helped me with the paragraphs, and when I read what I have written, I was amazed.
That made me realize I have some talent to write. I thought I am useless till then.
This experience can be called the start of my writing career.
After this, I continued to get rejections one after another. But I felt good and free because every time I confessed my feelings to different boys, I became more direct and more immune to rejections.
I wrote an online poem, then a book, and I saw my progress as a writer. In my teenage, I already got 2 poetry books in Bulgarian.

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My last year at school was not good, and I got another rejection by my classmate, who said I am too ugly for him and bullied me before other boys’ eyes. This made me feel really ugly, but then I was motivated to change my look and prove I am not ugly. I succeeded in this.
When we finished school, I decided to not have any boyfriends at all. I looked good, and I wrote great.
The classmate who rejected me wanted us to become a couple on our prom, but this time I dumped him. Well, all was just a flirt for him, and he found a one-night stand.
This was my school story.

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When I turned eighteen, I met my first love again. We were more mature, and things between us went too fast. In just a few months, we become an official couple.
Then I stopped writing. It was because I loved my boyfriend so much, and I just forgot about my inspiration.
With time things between us began to fall apart. My boy was obsessed and jealous of me, and I am a free spirit.
This led to our break couldn’t overcome it for years. Then I found my inspiration in loneliness and self-pity again. Today I still love this boy, and I remember Nick with good, but I know we were not meant to be. After I was again a loner, I decided to write short stories. They were so emotional that my friends cried when they read them. I was proud again that I did not forget to write.
Until I graduated from the university, I continued to write short stories. I have read a lot of fantasy books, and I wrote this genre. Then I made a blog in Bulgarian with my works.
After graduation, I had plenty of time before finding a stable job. The real-life hit me hard. I went on around 200 job interviews, and only 5 employers were interested in me. My writing muse ended.
At twenty-five years, I met my current boyfriend. We wrote for a long time together in a role-playing world called Marion. I am proud of our job together.
Then I moved from my hometown to the town where I live currently. I lost my will to write until I adaption to the new place and job.
But you know I am glad I moved here. I went on 2 personal development courses, and I freed myself from expectations.
My life is filled with ups and downs, but I always was saved by my poetry and prose writing. I searched for inspiration in every little thing that happened to me. For the things that did not happen in my life, I just create them in my mind with the eventual outcomes, and I write them down. This is how my recent poetry books were born.
Now I am broken in my heart again, but I see this not as a piece of bad luck but as something that makes me wiser. This is something precious that inspires me to write and share more.
I want to tell you that being lonely is not a bad thing. It is an emotion that makes you search for the reasons deep in your heart.
Inspire yourself with a different point of view.