It’s Official: I’m Running for President in 2024

Photo by Dennis Guten on Unsplash

I’m making a run at the presidency in 2024. It’s a done deal.

What kind of experience and qualifications do I need to be president anyway?

Do I need to be an attorney? Do I have to be a wiz at foreign affairs?

Do I need an Ivy League college degree or doctorate?

Do I have to know accounting principles?

Should I have served in the Military — after all I’ll be commander in chief.

Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t see any of those qualifications listed in the US Constitution.

According to the law of the land I must be …

A natural born citizen (the jury is still out on the definition of this one).
At least 35 years old at the time I take office. (I can identify as 35)
And an inhabitant of the United States for at least fourteen years.

… and that’s it.

I don’t even need a high school diploma. How cool is that?

Apparently, I can be as dumb as a box of rocks and still get elected.

We only need to look at the recent history of presidents to confirm that.

What Makes a President Great?

Not sure there is a one size fits all answer to that question. Many presidents have risen to greatness because they were thrust into critical situations.

They weren’t always the best and brightest in the eyes of their constituency, but somehow great leaders seem to be forged in adversity, not born.

I’ve survived 14 presidents dating all the way back to FDR. There are very few things they did that I couldn’t have done.

I could attack countries like Putin. I could give people free stuff. I could force people to vaccinate.

I could raise gas prices and inflation — no problem. What’s the big deal?

I could be a great bathroom monitor.

On The Job Presidential Training

When it comes right down to it the president only has five jobs:

He or she is the head of their party. How hard is that?
He or she is the chief law enforcement officer of the United States.
He or she is the commander in chief of the military.
He or she is the chief representative of the government.
He or she is the Foreign Policy Director. I guess I’d have to learn where Ecuador is.

There’s some other stuff too but those five are the real biggies.

Let’s face it. Presidents learn on the job. They have people who’ve been in government for years helping them make critical decisions.

Heck, I wouldn’t even have to write my own speeches. Give me a teleprompter and turn me loose.

And quite honestly it will take every bit of eight years to improve my golf game. Luckily, I would have the FBI — Find Ball Instantly.

Some Final Thoughts

The only downside I can see to being president is no matter what I do some uninformed press person will think I’m wrong and write about it.

Who cares — I’m in office — they’re not. I’ll just call them fake news.

All I must do to be reelected is make a bunch of off the wall promises I’ll never keep and coast the final four years.

It’s worked for 46 presidents so far.

Congress only works a little over 100 days a year. I can’t do a whole lot without them other than write about a billion executive orders.

I’d have to throw a few state dinners, take some vacations, and just hang around the White House while they’re all out campaigning.

I’d have to do a few fundraisers in exotic places. I guess I could put up with that. After all there’s no question the people will love me.

I’ve got that Camp David thing too.

Head over there watch sports all weekend. Kick back with the Secret Service guys.

Throw down a few brews. Make fun of the Vice President.

I could really do this.

Can I count on you for a yard sign and a couple million bucks? I could make you Secretary of something.

I promise.

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