Photo by Edward Eyer on Pexels
For me, loving oneself starts with respecting one’s parents, identifying with them when it is necessary and exercising our own judgement about their strengths as well as their flaws, failures, and imperfections. Perhaps you think it is an easy work, but it is not that simple. For most people accepting their origin is an uphill struggle. If you have been through this, you know it is nothing but an internal conflict with yourself. People don’t care if you are at peace with your past or not, neither would they care about your parents especially. They taunt you about your parents because they suppose that deep inside of your mind there should be a disagreement between you and your parents that makes you ashamed of yourself. Prove somehow that you don’t take for granted their commentary and you will see that the real problem was not about your parents, but about you and them.
You may have the most “awkward” parents in the world, but the person who really cares about you will appreciate you for who you are and not for who your parents are. The real problem is identifying whether you are a copy and paste of your parents’ “awkwardness” or your own version (which is a mixt of different factors).
Look for the good reasons that make you unhappy about your parents before asking people to stop jeering at you because of them
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”
After having published this post last month, I took a brief time to analyze the image that I included in it and found out that the kid looks a bit different from the father. I did it unconsciously but afterwards I realized that the image is perfect like this, even though it is not totally accurate with the proverb’s message. Why do I suppose it is perfect? There would always be some differences between a parent and their child. If your parents have some bad habits, that doesn’t mean you would inherit them. If you think these habits are bad, then don’t repeat them. But respect your parents even if you don’t like what they have done and overcome the fear of becoming a copy of them. By visualizing yourself as an incarnation of themselves, you are giving them more spaces in your subconscious than they need to have. If you mirrored your future as a projection of your parents ‘flaws and failures, you would probably end up making the same mistakes as them.
Now start to be more than your parents’ image, just be their kids. That means you need to consider yourself as a very new creation, different in its essence. Take the opportunities that your parents have given to you and forgive them for their mistakes. Share love with them when they are still alive. Go outside and build up your own life. As social animals we have evolved through times, and we are still evolving; that is, your customs and maybe opportunities are different than those that your parents had when they were your age, then don’t make them think you are superior. And never back a friend who wants to belittle your parents.
You are not alone
Photo by Mike Chai on Pexels
You think that this struggle only concerns people who come from discriminated groups and those whose parents have committed some crime or infraction. The bullies over parents and origins are more common than you think. Even the ones whose parents have accomplished great things in life or have been considered successful cope with the fear of being judged by their parents’ goodness and/or badness. When you are aware of this, you know that you cannot do anything to prevent people from teasing you about your origin and parental background, but you can try to not let their commentary affect you and your relationship with your parents. Don’t try to lie about where you come from and who your parents are, because it may drive you to anxiety and confusion. Remember that gratitude will make you happier and will foster your psychological and physical health . When people talk badly about your parents, think instead of what they have done well to you and your family. Share a different story about them…
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