Dear Diary,

So, no more anger, no more fighting, so then what is it all for? What becomes the new fire I have for life? I believe that's the best part of saying that you're starting over. I get to just decide that I get to say that even though I've been one way for most of my life that now I am another. So let's start with my self image, how have I always seen the ideal version of myself? I want to be someone with a spark, I want to be someone like Kobe Bryant or Beyonce. Someone who has a determination about themselves.

Being as assertive as I've been able to has been a blessing and a curse. On one hand everyone respects me, they see me as someone who can fight his battles. On the other hand, I have developed very little purpose other than "setting a bit*h straight." Sure, I have dreams, I would love to be a writer, fiction primarily. But even when I think of things like that, I usually find that I can't put the work in. So I'm cutting away laziness and procrastination.

For example, I've told myself for days that I would get this blog to 10 posts so I can apply to the partner program. It seems dumb, no one's even reading, but for me, I just want to see something through. My constitution has always been so weak. Obstacles stop me right in my tracks. I've become one of those people that always has irons in the fire but never finds themself with a sword. And being honest I think it's starting to cost me friends. These days its hard for me to get a text back as it seems that my friends are moving beyond me. They're finding jobs and loves and starting families, and I'm stuck.

So, from this day forward I am a man of routine. If something needs to be cleaned, I will clean it. If I set a goal, I will meet it. Because it's one thing to lie to others, but the greatest sin has to be the lies I tell myself. When I say I'll work out only to smoke all day, when I say I'll post something only to overthink it. When I say I'll write a story only to "brainstorm" with no end. The perk of a new beginning is that I can pretend that I know exactly what I'm doing, because I don't! So, thank you for listening Diary, and thank you in advance for all we'll accomplish!

Sincerely,

Entry 8: The Perks of a New Beginning!