Dear Diary,

Depression and anxiety have been the crux of my issues for a long time now. I'm not sure which is the chicken and the which is the egg, but what I do know is that they definitely work together to create a cycle that has been quite burdensome to me. Then anxiety is definitely the upper, I'm always worried, sometimes about hard-hitting issues (like wtf am I going to do with my life), but mostly about the simplest day to day tasks (like what if my neighbor talks to me when I go to get the mail). The worrying accumulates and BOOM I am depressed, because I can't see anything worth looking forward to.

Recently my depression has taken a sharp decline, after therapy a lot of my apathy disappeared, but boy oh boy, is that anxiety a lot harder to shake. I'm always worried about time, how I'm spending it, if I have enough of it and so on and so forth. The biggest thing is that I'm a lazy man with great desires so I'm always dreaming of this grander life, but I just don't have the discipline to make that come to fruition. I'm constantly in a state of worry always wondering if I'll ever make any dream come true, and I always fear if I can truly commit to a process.

I've decided though, that I want to stop the clock. I don't want to ever worry about the future, I want to live presently in the moment. I want to have days free of the stress of stress. I also want to be able to be productive without having it mean something. Yes, I want to work towards my goals, but I'm so tired of basing my worth around what I've accomplished it's time I start basing my worth on how well I treat myself.

So, until further notice I am on no clock, there is no time limit. I will be successful a year from now, or 3 years, or next month. Either way, it will happen, because I am believing it with my mind, enforcing it with my actions, and manifesting it with my spirit. Thank you for listening diary!

Sincerely,

Entry 5: How to Stop the Clock?!