Entry 4: Only at Weddings and Funerals!

Dear Diary,

The very first episode of "The Umbrella Academy," is called "We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals" and I've always thought that was the most GENIUS thing I have ever been witness to. It's the fact that this show is about this terribly dysfunctional family and here we go, the very first episode title really just drives that home. A family so distanced from one another that the only time they interact is at the highest highs and the lowest lows. But, in that statement is also a layer of beauty. To still want to gather even if it is one of the saddest moments of life, means that there's still love there, still a common thread holding these dysfunctional people together.

I'm ranting because of course I feel like that's my family. Yesterday saw us gathered for a funeral of someone taken too soon (it's always too soon). And there was mess, there was confusion, there was petty gossip and whispered insults, but we were all there. We love each other, and while I always questioned that love because of the ways in which it was displayed, I realized yesterday that the only display that counts is still showing up. Still showing up despite that last nasty fight, despite that long absence, despite the inconvenience, love is still showing up.

I've held onto a lot over the years, but I've come to understand two very important things. The first is that everyone holds on, it's not just me, there's nothing wrong and I'm not broken. The second is that everyone lets go, including me. I've had this victim role on lock, but I still share laughs and jokes and hugs, because letting go is in my DNA. It's something I've seen in effect. Just yesterday I watched people who'd swore to never speak again fall into each other's arms and be each other's salvation. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

So, I'll admit, I had it all wrong. My family is the kind of family that only sees each other at wedding and funerals (birthdays get an honorable mention here lol). But it isn't because we fail at love, it's because we hold onto it. Thank you for listening Diary, till next time!

Lovingly,