Entry 16: Grown and Sexy

Dear Diary,

I've finally settled on some goals for the new year. You know that at first, I wanted to refrain from doing so, because I thought that maybe it would be something that just created more pressure, and also something that set me up for another failure. Finally though, I've figured out what it is I without a doubt need to accomplish this year.

The first thing I want to do is mature. The older I've gotten the more my anxiety and depression made me have this resentment for life and those around me. Never feeling "normal" always left me looking for someone to blame and someone to save me. Sadly, though, the worst thing it did was stagnate me. I was always too afraid to fail or too depressed to even try. Now, while I can give myself grace because these are deeper mental issues, I have to hold myself more accountable to falling prey to these emotions and moods. It's alright for me to feel afraid, or sad, but I have to be able to keep moving forward as well. I want to be mature enough to exhibit discipline. Yes diary, I'm getting GROWN this year!

My very next objective is to carry myself with way more class and grace. I've told you a lot about my anxiety diary, so you know that a lot of my personality is nervous energy. I feel like for years I've always tried to be this gift of gab talkative person because I want everyone to like me, I want validation. I no longer want to come from that place. I want to be someone who is in control, who speaks with purpose, and moves like I know the room is mine, regardless of anyone's validation. Yes diary I want to be oh so suave and SEXY!

So, these are my goals, I want to grow, move past the past and begin to carry myself with a confidence that I've never allowed myself to know. I hope in the coming future to write to you of improvements that I'm making, the strides that I'm taking, and the lessons that I'm learning. As always, diary, thank you for listening.

Sincerely,