Entry 13: One Step at a Time

Dear Diary,

There's an old proverb that I've always loved and reflected on during times of overwhelming distress. It begins...

How do you eat an elephant?!

I remember the first-time hearing that and being mortified (after all I LOVE elephants) however the response given quickly turns what would be an unthinkable question, into much needed wisdom, the quote ends...

One piece at a time!

Lately Diary, I've felt so frustrated, I'm only in my mid-twenties and yet it's so easy to feel like I haven't accomplished much of anything, and I'm beginning to feel like (read fear) I won't ever accomplish much of anything. I'm frustrated because I view myself as broken, for whatever reason I've never been "normal," and at times it seems like there's just too much to fix.

I have to learn how to control my emotions and mood swings, try and repair my mental health, have a routine, find a job, lose weight, find love, and typing it out it seems like everyday life for everyday people. But that's the problem, I get so overwhelmed by things that are just "normal" for others. I guess that's why I'm frustrated, I just wish I was normal, wish that I wasn't such a mess, but what else is new, right?

I guess I just realize that for me, I'll have to compartmentalize, I may not be able to fix everything that I perceive as "wrong" with me, but at the same time I can fix something. My pattern when I feel overwhelmed is to wallow in the hopeless feeling, I get of never having enough time or resources to get everything together, but that has to change. For now, I have to put my energy towards actively trying to improve SOMETHING. Eventually, a lot of small somethings will manifest into a better version of me. So just like the proverbial elephant I have to take this journey one piece at a time. Thank you for listening Diary.

Sincerely,