7 Devastating Lies Your Depression Tells You

Depression is a soul-sucking monster.

It drains your energy; exhausting your body at the cellular level. It fills you with shame and apathy; decaying your hopes for the future. It cuts you off from the rest of the world; leaving you disoriented and alone. As it ravages through you; it challenges everything you know, trust and believe. Depression deceives and damages in ways that make it one of the most lethal of mental illnesses.

I know this monster. I lived with it in the years during and after an abusive relationship. Its corrosive effects plunged me into a dark pit I barely crawled out of. My saving grace was the birth of my daughter. She gave me a reason to fight. I got treatment and emerged from my depression with a keen awareness of what damage it can do.

Depression lies and you shouldn’t believe what the bullying bastard says. Here are seven devastating lies your depression tells you.

1. You have a “depression gene”

By some ill twist of fate, you drew the genetic short straw. Your mother had it. So did your uncle and cousin. You’re doomed. There is no way out.

Living with a family member who experiences depression can be difficult. But does it mean that you’ll also have the condition?

The answer: it’s not so clear cut.

Having a genetic variant can make it more likely — but not definitive — that you will develop a condition associated with that variant. Whether someone develops depression is an interplay of genes and other factors( such as environment and trauma)

According to Stephanie Faris at Healthline:

A British research team isolated a gene that appears to be prevalent in multiple family members with depression. The chromosome 3p25–26 was found in more than 800 families with recurrent depression.
Scientists believe that as many as 40 percent of those with depression can trace it to a genetic link. Environmental and other factors may make up the other 60 percent.

However, it’s important to note that while studies have suggested a clear link within families, these findings don’t account for those who develop depression without a family history.

What to believe so you find recovery

The question remains: Should someone whose parent or sibling experiences depression be worried? The answer: not necessarily.

Some people are indeed born with higher sensitivity and empathy but no one is born with depression.

Genetics may indicate a risk for depression, but do not always determine whether a person will develop this all-too-common mental health disorder. There is no “number one cause” of depression, and even more complex is the relationship between genetics, depression, and other known contributing factors.

Genetics is one of several potential causes of depression. Depression can also develop in the absence of a clear cause. Other known factors that contribute to all forms of depression and other mental health conditions include:

Sleep problems: Depression and sleep problems are closely linked. Poor sleep can exacerbate depression, leading to a negative cycle between depression and sleep that can be challenging to break. Poor sleep may even provoke depression in some people.
Hormones: Conditions like pregnancy, thyroid disorders, and menopause can affect hormone levels. Low or high levels of hormones may trigger symptoms of depression, particularly in someone who is genetically susceptible.
Situational depression: also known as reactive depression. It develops when someone is in a highly stressful situation or experiences trauma. It can make it hard for you to adjust to your everyday life following a traumatic event.
Climatic conditions: Do you feel angrier and meh on rainy days? It’s not in your imagination; rainy days can get you down. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons.
Brain chemistry: People with depression sometimes have lower levels of neurotransmitters (brain chemicals that affect mood and well-being). The neurotransmitters they have might be inefficient or function poorly.
Changes in brain structure: The brains of people with depression may be physically and structurally different from the brains of people who are not depressed.
Medication side effects: Certain prescription drugs have been associated with the emergence or worsening of depression symptoms as a side effect, even in people who might not ordinarily be prone to depression.

2. You’re a burden to everyone around you

Depression affects mood and self-perception which can lead you to believe negative things about yourself. Shame and guilt are intrinsically linked with depression. This can lead you to feel useless, worthless and utterly unlovable.

Because of this; you’ll feel that you drag everyone else down. You’ll feel like a burden. That you’re wasting your life, wasting opportunities, and wasting other people’s time. It tells you that you shouldn’t be here.

It tells you that you should feel guilty for reaching out to people for help because no one should have to deal with your illness. Depression makes you feel ashamed for feeling the way you do, and you feel like you need to hide your emotions from the world.

What to believe so you find recovery

Depression is cruel and manipulative. As it weaves its tales it omits the truth to keep you stuck. It doesn’t tell you that people need other people. It doesn’t tell you that you weren’t meant to carry the weight of your struggles alone. It doesn’t tell you that even when you’re ill, you have so much to offer the world. You have skills, talents and ideas.

Negative thinking is the linchpin responsible for low self-esteem. Your inner critic will berate you from the moment you wake up. It will parade 101 reasons why you are not good enough or successful enough or just enough in general. It will mock you for daring to apply for a better job. It will blind you to the pile of dishes in the sink and the bills that need paying. It will talk you out of tending and mending the relationships in your life.

Learning how to use positive self-talk is vital to combat depression. Psychotherapy is a great way to retrain your mindset. Treatments will help you ground yourself with realistic truths about who you are, the strengths and talents you possess, as well as owning your flaws and weaknesses. You can learn to love yourself — as well as allow others to love you — not despite your depression, but with acceptance of it.

3. You’re not sick; you’re just lazy and unmotivated

Your depression will often try to convince you that you’re not ill. Instead, it will tell you that you’re not trying hard enough. You’re blowing things out of proportion just to get some attention. You’re overreacting and making a fuss.

Because you’re “not ill” you don’t deserve any help or support.

This is a dangerous lie. Depression is an illness and it isn’t your fault. You haven’t invented it for your selfish reasons. You’re not making it up. You’re ill and you need help and support to get better.

What to believe so you find recovery

Like cancer, heart disease or diabetes, you cannot will depression away or readily snap out of it. You cannot force yourself to focus on the future or forget your past. There is no quick fix to depression.

We live in a can-do society where self-help is celebrated and encouraged. But, when you have depression it is hard to complete tasks. You might want to get up and make changes, but your illness hinders your efforts.

Instead of being hard on yourself, you should be proud of yourself for the small things — like getting out of bed, eating breakfast, taking a shower, finishing a workout and making it through work.

Affirm your efforts to get better.

4. You’re better off alone

Depression isolates. It wants you to believe that being alone is safer. It tries to stop you from speaking to people. It tells you that you have nothing worth saying; you’re boring and stupid and annoying. It tells you that your friends and family are just putting up with you.

It is more comfortable being alone than being connected and supported by others.

What to believe so you find recovery

Depression is lying to try and manipulate you into solitude. If you retreat and isolate yourself it has more power over you. Loneliness aggravates the self-loathing and criticism inherent in depression. Depression worsens when we cocoon ourselves from others.

Connecting with others can be difficult while you’re in the throes of depression. But as challenging as it is for you, it is worth it. Social attachment, interpersonal connections, and even hugs and affectionate touch raise levels of oxytocin, a natural pain reliever and feel-good hormone.

A strong support system aids your healing. Their belief in your recovery exponentially reduces depressive symptoms. Sometimes, all you need is one person’s reassurance that you’re not a burden.

5. You’ll always feel this way

And things will never get better. It tells you there’s no way out. You’ll never experience joy, happiness or love again. Depression has a way of making you feel hopeless, unlovable and undeserving of help.

Depression robs you of agency over your life. Without direction and a sense of purpose, you slowly become powerless.

What to believe so you find recovery

What depression doesn’t tell you is that these feelings are temporary, and better days are ahead. It doesn’t tell you that you still haven’t experienced the best days of your life and that there’s so much to fight for.

Depression is real but it’s an experience, not an identity. It is something you go through, not who you are.

6. You’ll never amount to anything

Depression convinces you that even if you can feel better, you’ll never be or have anything of value. Depression will deform your positive beliefs and strike down your dreams. It’ll leave you vacant. And depression decays any optimism for greater things. And, even when you do something right depression whispers into your ear: yeah, you could have done it better.

What to believe so you find recovery

What depression doesn’t tell you is that you can live a full and productive life despite and in spite of the illness. It doesn't tell you that with the right treatment, patience and persistence you can recover.

It’s been over a decade since I plunged into depression. As I have recovered, I am amazed at the new life I have lived. When I came out of the season, I set myself a challenge. I sought ways to use that soul-sucking experience to a positive end; to make some proverbial lemonade so those years didn’t feel entirely wasted.

7. Suicide is the only way out

The most insidious lie your depression will tell you is that you are better off dead. It tells you that you have no future, that you’ll never find happiness, and that your life will always be bleak.

Depression overrides your ability to think and reason. It will lure you into believing people and things no longer matter. It will colour your world with dread and apathy drowning out any happiness and meaningfulness you had. With time you become less connected to things in your life. Depression evacuates your psyche; leaving you vacant and empty. You don't care anymore. You don't try anymore. It’s all futile.

In an attempt to ease the emotional and physical pain you contemplate suicide.

What to believe so you find recovery

Getting immediate intervention will diminish depression’s fatal hold on you. With psychotherapy and/or medication, your symptoms of depression will lessen.

Depression is a disorder. When you experience depression, your mind is not working right. Because of this, you don’t always see things accurately. It’s easy to start believing things that you’d never believe when you’re well.

However, when you suffer from depression you can’t trust your thoughts or instincts. Learn to challenge your thoughts with facts and real evidence. Step back for a moment before acting.

Depression can be treated. The key is to be aware of your symptoms and notify your doctor if you don’t think your current treatment plan is working. It’s also important to be aware of any symptoms that come back after you experience any form of remission.

The faster you recognize these lies instead of internalizing them as “truths”, the more you can minimize the impact depression has on you.