We tend to categorise everything we come across majorly under two heads, superior and inferior. Good-bad, pure-evil, tall-short, up-down, heavy-light, sun-moon, middle-corner, dark-light, gold-silver, black-white and many other such contrasts, one from each of the mentioned pairs is considered superior to the other depending on perception and line of thinking. Every aspect must be given the benefit of the doubt because our knowledge of various incidents seldom surpasses the tip of the iceberg.
In a world of such vastness, filled with such fickle opinions, it became rather difficult for me to belong somewhere for real. When I thought about it a little, a vibe and line of thought come later. The first is genuineness. It is not child’s play to ascertain anybody’s true intentions. To know that there is someone who truly wants to hear about your day, how you messed up and then laugh with you over trivial things is blissful. I am blessed to have friends now but there was a time when I don’t know whether I was alone or not but I felt utterly empty and lonely.
Hey now, this was just a phase, it’s gone now and I am in no way promoting or spreading any depressing abstractions. You know, the times when you start comparing your worth against the limitless sky and feel quite insignificant? Well, what do you expect? It is the sky, at par with infinity. The fact that I missed then was — That if something is grand, it neither elevates nor diminishes my worth. I realised a lot later that it was a waste of my imagination comparing myself to the sky and the stars.
Feeling lonely like that gave me time for a lot of important things that I had failed to recognise at that time. The strength of being with the roots, the beautiful surroundings. If I would have just stopped and looked around for once, I would have saved two years of my life that I spent sulking over sheer nothingness.
It was this feeling of being lost that led me to give myself a chance at writing. I was under the lame impression that writing is something that nerds do and that I am not good with words. I had assumed that I cannot write and it’s something brilliant people do.
It was after I picked up my pen, sat down, opened my diary and began writing, I understood what ‘expressing’ is all about. Writing holds a different meaning for everyone. To me, writing became an expression. I felt at ease after writing. I was telling my notebook all that was piled up in my mind and to my surprise, I felt a little lighter and happier.
Now don’t get me wrong here. Sharing your mind with your friends tops the list. Nothing is better. If you have people to whom you can talk and who listen to you, then consider yourself truly blessed. If not, then wait for a little longer. Your paradise awaits you indeed. People are important and that’s a fact. But writing is equally important. It will become your any-time partner.
It gave me the temperament to analyse my situations.
It gave me a nifty platform for expressing myself.
It eventually eliminated my futile anxiety.
It gave me a chance to re-learn from my mistakes.
It did show me how pathetic I was at times. It only helped me reflect upon myself.
The realisation — That I am responsible for my happiness, is something that I also achieved through writing. In the beginning, I wrote for approvals, slightly though. Clearly, that changed. On this writing journey, I don’t know when I started writing to get my point across. My focus now is to reach people in a way where I can give them a path to a new perspective. With time, we tend to realize where we want our actions to lead us. All that’s left is to find a way to make it a reality.
It’s better to find what we want as soon as we can. Because time is of the essence and there never will be an abundance of it and so I hope I find it soon. I don’t mean to be a killjoy, just being cautious.
I hope you find it too.