Losing a friend can be tough, and it’s okay to feel sad. However, we do not have to put up with people treating us like dirt. Friendship is not supposed to be one-sided.
Image by Nikola Pešková from Pixabay
Good friends accept you for who you are — in good times and bad. They don’t judge you, antagonize you, or make you doubt yourself in any way. They’re forever loyal and honest — sometimes too honest, which can actually be a good thing. You’ll both understand that life can be hectic sometimes, and you don’t need to live in each other’s pockets in order for your friendship to work.
If you have a friendship like that, then that’s amazing. But, if your friendship is absolutely nothing like that — then you may be in a toxic friendship. The fact that you’re reading this article right now, shows that you’re not the problem. You’re searching on the internet the same way as I did — Wondering what went wrong and why.
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So how do you know if you are in a toxic friendship? Well, if you can answer yes to the following questions, then maybe it’s about time you let go, and realize that you don’t deserve to be treated like that.
Have you ever been ignored by your friend for no apparent reason?
Have you ever been slagged off because they’ve accused you of ignoring them?
Have you ever spent time with them — and all they do is constantly speak about themselves?
Have their other friends tried to accuse you of treating them like shit — and practically tried to fight you in the middle of the street?
Did your so-called friend abandon you when you needed them most?
How many times have you fallen out with your supposed friend — and then they tell you the old, “It’s not me, it’s you?”
If you answered yes to each of these questions, then it doesn’t take a genius to see that your relationship is very toxic — which sucks. But you deserve better. You deserve to be treated with respect and admiration. You can and probably should walk away — it may be hard at first, but trust me, you’ll feel a million times better.
Way back in 2010, I met my toxic friend at work. For obvious reasons, I will not disclose her name, so I’ll call her — Susie. So Susie was lovely at first. We had a lot of things in common and spent a lot of time together, drinking, partying, and we even went on holiday.
In 2012 I became pregnant, and she completely changed. She was no longer somebody I could count on. She only spoke to me if I got in touch first, she started lying to me, and she turned all of her friends against me.
Her friends would confront me, stating that Susie was such an amazing person who deserved better. They would literally try and fight me in the street, and Susie would stand around laughing, egging them on.
A very nice person — my backside.
Well, I can confidently say that she decided to abandon me in my darkest moments. I approached her when I was battling post-natal depression, and she ignored everything I said, she laughed in my face, and she accused depression of being a fake illness. According to her, depression is just a way to get attention.
Our friendship was extremely one-sided. If I didn’t approach her first, I probably wouldn't have heard from her again.
Sometimes when we would head out for drinks, she would disappear for hours, and after looking for her for half the night, I’d suddenly catch her making out with some random guy, and then she was gone. She just disappeared, and I only knew where she was because she would post images and messages on Facebook.
So then I’d have to walk home completely on my own in the dark. Sorry, but I don’t think that’s a sign of a great friendship. Friends have each other's backs, they don’t abandon you in the middle of town without a care in the world.
She was one of those friends that only ever cared about herself. She didn’t care at all about my feelings, and everybody I knew advised me to stay away from her as she was not worthy of my time.
Now it’s 2022, and I last spoke to her a year ago when we casually walked past each other in the street. Yesterday, I noticed a Facebook status from her friend revealing that Susie recently had a baby, So because I still have her number, I messaged her to say congratulations, and as usual, she read the message but decided to ignore me. It was like deja vu all over again.
So, I’ve now decided that after years and years of trying, our friendship is officially dead. So I finally deleted her number and realized that it’s now time to move on.
Ifyou’re experiencing a toxic friendship, then please walk away. I know it’s difficult, I mean, it took me bloody years to realize that enough was enough, but I got sick of giving and giving, when she gave me absolutely nothing in return.
If this sounds like you, then please stop trying to convince yourself that things will change because they won’t. It will never get better because you’re not respected by them in any way.
So what are the signs of a toxic friendship?
There are many signs, and not all of them are obvious. They can be sneaky, manipulative, and extremely two-faced.
They don’t support you in any way
Friends should be there for you no matter what — in good times and in bad. If you’re feeling down and depressed, you don’t need a friend like Susie — who thinks depression is just attention-seeking. You need somebody to make you feel better, someone who can understand how you feel — without constantly judging you.
You fight all the time
People have disagreements, and not everybody will agree with each other. But if you end up fighting whenever you spend time together, and you leave feeling incredibly upset and drained — then it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate.
You can’t be yourself
Toxic friends do not accept you for who you are, and you may feel like you have to change around them. When I spent time with Susie, I’d change the way I spoke, and I didn’t tell her some of the funny things I had done that day because I thought she would think I was stupid and immature. Your friends should love you for who you are — not a completely different person.
Your friend will gossip and lie about you
Susie would tell everyone that I was a horrible, nasty, distant, and attention-seeking asshole. She would talk so horribly about me, so her little minions would confront me — making me feel even worse about myself than I already did. If anybody confronts you accusing you of treating their friend horribly — or if they ask you why you said so and so, then theirs a chance your friend has zero respect for you and relishes the fact that people make you feel like shit.
Everything is about them
Friendship is not one-sided. If your friend completely ignores your feelings and twists everything back onto themselves, then that’s a sign of a very toxic friend because they couldn’t care less about you. Everything is about them.
You can’t trust them
I couldn’t trust Susie at all. She lied and manipulated everything. She would try and stir up trouble between my partner and me, she often lied to everyone about me, and I couldn’t rely on her at all. A toxic friend may try and sabotage everything good in your life.
Now take a moment and think about your current friendships. If any of them make you feel like my old friend Susie, then perhaps it’s time to walk away. I’m sorry to say this, but they will not miss you — hell, they probably won’t even notice you’re gone.
Life’s too short for negativity. Surround yourself with positive people, and steer clear of people who bring you down.
Have you experienced a toxic friendship?? If so, did you stay or did you go??