Taking Place in Surreal Mind’s World.
On Friday, I should attend an event called “A Glass of Wine and Painting,” organized at one of my favorite art cafes in my current sea town’s living place. Unfortunately, I could not go for reasons outside my control and was sad about it.
I took my old painting brush, and drew on my kid’s sketchbook similar to the event romance couple’s picture, without an umbrella. I am a retro girl in life, after all, with hopeless romanticism.
In my teenage, I used to paint and had a dream to own a gallery. I got bored with what I drew and with time my painting’s ideas faded away.
After that, I watched Japanese Animation and wanted to become an animator. When I installed Corel Draw and 3D Studio max, I found out that I lack certain thinking and became bored of my unfruitful tries to draw what I see in my head.
I left the painting idea and started to write. Words made me put my thoughts and ideas easily on paper. The paintings I wanted to draw, were bright in my head, and I couldn’t catch or draw them down.
When I started to write, things I imagined became organized, but my imagination sometimes runs wild as Summer rain.
As always, I seek shelter for my thinking about various topics on the blog. While I listen to nostalgic music because it fits my current mood and Mercury retrograde, my past romantic memories took my hand to go down the memory line.
I wonder why people want romance as in the movies, and when an opportunity arises, they run away. It happens unexpectedly, seldom, and slips through the fingers of time, and daily routines. If people are coupled, they expect to walk away and not cheat. I can’t qualify as wrong or not, because it’s a personal choice.
When people are single, they receive something like thunder’s speed to run away from the love opportunity.
Today, I sit and think while drinking my afternoon coffee why do single people avoid others like them, without even being given a chance?
Currently, I am in a similar and weird situation, so I will speak my mind about that topic to whoever is interested.
The reasons that come to my mind are the meaning of loneliness, unwillingness to give up personal space, and egoism.
The meaning of Loneliness in Summer Rain
Looking back at the picture I wanted to draw on Friday, I wanted to escape my loneliness, which is currently unhealthy. Maybe it’s for good I did not attend the painting event. Creating that romantic picture, I could start crying because a lot of emotions are running through me at the moment.
I almost started to fall in love with a man, but my heart shouldn’t do it. I took out my logic gun, metaphorically speaking, and killed that expectation feeling. My past romances needed a lot of recovery time. Starting something with insecure in his feelings person, or as a “Friend with benefits” stupid situation is not my cup of tea.
When in a relationship, I always give everything and there is no half-love on my end.
In that way of thinking, I believe it’s better to keep my loneliness because it’s only mine. I do not need someone else solitary too. Two-side ticket to the blues is preferable to a one-way destination to heartache for a long time. Surely, many other single people think like that, which explains the meaning of healthy loneliness. Based on the picture I shared, I will take that man’s kiss in my mind, take my umbrella, and move on.
Unwillingness to give Personal Space is a Romance’s Survival State
Everyone wants “me-time,” but sometimes people get addicted to it, and can not imagine giving it up to share space with someone else. That is the main reason many single humans register on dating sites. It’s easier to sit at home, watching from afar potential lovers, and ghosting them anytime. I have been registered on online dating sites and received hundreds of pointless messages. At some point, reading them became irritating for me. At the moment, I have over 200 messages from unknown men online, which I do not plan to read. Checking that communication is not my priority.
Going out trying to seduce someone is not modern these days. That is one of the reasons I call myself a retro girl or old-school because I believe courtship happens only physically, or at least with a phone or video calls. I say that when a man wants me, he should come directly to me and say what he wants because my sloppiness in heart matters is legendary. Most women are like me, but they refuse it even for themselves. Man’s boldness always will be trendy.
Right said, I also can’t imagine sharing my home with another person because I am afraid I may screw everything with my difficult-to-be-loved character. My belief is people should go in two through life, and that hopes should not stay mirages. Anyways, that is not about my personality post.
Objectively speaking, when people live alone for a long time, they forget what to do with someone else.
They stop trying to attract a potential partner with actions or words because the personal space becomes a sanctuary, but sacred places are not frequent places to visit. People start to think they are good enough in their company and space, going only for their physical needs.
Nowadays, it’s easier to find a one-night stand without engagements. Almost no one wants commitment and devotion to another person. I always joke I may go with AI /Artificial Intelligence/ Boyfriend purchase sometime in the future. The sad part is many other single people think like me, which also explains the Romance Survival State doubts.
Egoism when there is Summer Rain and Romance’s Survival State
Last decades, people say they’re egoistic, or claim someone else is like that. Egoism is mistaken for setting boundaries, taking care of another human, pet, or child, and the lack of teamwork in any life field.
The egoist word became an insult, and there is a reason for it. Egoism and setting boundaries are not the same, and a lack of teamwork leads to nothing better than individual perfection in a job that needs two or more people.
Pure Egoism is a variety of theories, but regarding Romance, the topic sums to “I do not care about your needs, but only mine” or the lack of flexibility to compromise. People become egoists with time when they’re left by someone they loved deeply.
There are two ways to keep going after someone close to your heart dumb you: “Forever on my own because I am afraid to be heartbroken,” or “I try again, knowing nothing is secure but putting my best when in a relationship.”
Both paths are egoistical because everyone wants to satisfy their needs, but when not risking being with someone else on a deeper level, a feeling of emptiness remains forever. On the other side, trying again brings out the best in a person who wants to keep a relationship. It gives new experiences and unknown feelings. It’s like opening the eyes to another you as one of my favorite bands Metallica sings.
Romance’s Survival State
Today’s challenging to be romantic or people claim you as mad. Pragmatism took over every feeling. Even so, emotions hide in people’s hearts. There is a proven fact that logic may go a long way in life, but a surpressed feeling leads to waking up from the coffin of disappointments, known patterns, hormonal disbalance, and craziness when falling in love which is inevitable.
There was an interesting thought I found on Quora while I wrote there. By memory, I’m paraphrasing it: “Heart tells you what you do when logic gives up.”
Romance’s Survival State is closer to the body’s survival mode than people want to accept. Without romantic or idealistic emotions in every life situation, being alive would be boring as the zombie or robotic movies everyone watches nowadays. Waking up without a goal or motivation is like staying dead in an alive body.
Do you want to be a robot or a zombie?
Summer rain is better experienced when there are two under one umbrella. The romance survives only when people drop the act of independent, solitary heroes that need no one to be with, even for the sparing or silent company. A kiss feeling is always better than looking at the kissing couple painting.
In my opinion, Romance will survive in the next few years, because many people want that without admitting it.
Is it not better to accept the romantic moods than to put them aside, feeling unhappy?