I’m writing these lines with the aim of giving myself courage but also to inspire you who are reading, making you realize the importance of taking the reins of your existence into your own hands and facing your greatest fears.
An article dedicated to myself in view of the new chapter of my life and to all the people I love most.
I have tried to give up thinking about it for too long, but the day has come: I am moving to Australia.
After two years of stabilization in Italy my life has changed monstrously and above all the person I am: I have seen myself literally change to an extreme level.
I had been waiting for this moment for years but you know, life is too unpredictable.
On the basis of this, this year I met a person who was able to turn my life upside down, introducing me to love and questioning my every life choice.
I thank her infinitely for that and taking such a step, for that very reason, once again proves to be the most difficult life choice I am about to face.
How much courage does it take to give everything up?
I was able to put aside the fear of losing my job, that was the easy part. Yet as I grow older, I understand more and more the value of deep connections. Of family, of friends, and now… of love.
If for years I believed I was ready again, now I feel like a little ant in the middle of the desert.
I feel bewildered and confused, lost and alone.
Where will all this take me?
My choice stems from a past that is now distant but which I remember with extreme vividness because I believe it is essential never to forget where one has come from.
The importance of taking charge of one’s life
When I think back to Alex in the past, I see a little crumb ready to snap at any moment, afraid of the world and insecure to an extreme level. But then I said enough is enough.
I promised myself that I would do something to never feel that way again and I decided to start with the thing that scared me the most: going on a trip alone.
The first one, at seventeen, was short and terrified me so much but it also made me grow immensely.
I didn’t stop: the following year I decided to go again, adding a degree of difficulty, and I ended up going on a two-week touring tour of the Balkans alone.
I didn’t think I could do it, yet I came back richer, happier and more open than before.
So I decided to continue making hard choices because as much as they terrified me, I could see my growth, finally, like never before.
The following year I left for the biggest and most terrifying life choice I could make: to move to Australia.
I was twenty years old and if I had been asked if I was ready for this I would no doubt have answered: absolutely not.
I didn’t know any English, I had never worked and I didn’t have any qualifications.
I left terrified thinking that I might come back earlier than expected for fear of feeling “alone”… but in the end I came back after a year because of covid when I never wanted to leave.
Not only did I make it. I went beyond my expectations and saw a version of myself I never thought I would see in my life. All thanks to that small step I took at seventeen, it all started from there.
And now I feel the same
I am no longer afraid of the world and its pitfalls.
I know English (language is no longer an issue).
I have a profession in hand (which is that of a tennis instructor) and writing that I could exploit in so many ways… yet I am terrified.
I am shattered because I am leaving here a fragment of me.
I am leaving here my greatest and deepest bonds and above all… love.
And while I have learned many things, I have not yet had to leave the woman I love fifteen thousand kilometers away, with the uncertainty of being able to see her again.
So what really are our limits?
What is really the courage required?
I wake up and sometimes everything seems a little darker.
But then I look back and think that if I had not had the courage to make all the difficult decisions I have made, I would have remained exactly where I started.
I would have remained that shy, insecure person, afraid of the world and without a shadow of a doubt I would not be who I am now, and I certainly would not have met this person.
The importance of looking on the bright side
The truth, then, is that it hurts, it destroys, but it is also true that I have to look at the colorful side of things and think that it is only thanks to my willingness to face difficulties and my greatest fears that I have got where I am now and I have no intention of stopping.
What gives me courage is to think that those who really care will stand by me despite the physical distance.
It won’t be easy, but I want to put myself to the test once again because as my travels and life have taught me: easy choices lead to a difficult life. hard choices, will lead to an easier life.
And so I decide to jump in, once again.
I decide to open my arms and welcome everything, on this day where my emotions are endless.
I do not want to close my eyes to them: I welcome them all from the most unpleasant to the most beautiful. I do not know who I will be, who I will become, who I will lose and who will remain.
Take courage and take flight
But you who are reading, you who have always been close to me: I would like you to know that I carry you with me.
Not in my luggage but in my heart and I will show you that wild land so far away with the light of my pupils.
Being so far away with my body does not mean that I will be far from you, on the contrary. Precisely because of this I will feel the connection in an extremely powerful way.
Mine will always be a big “see you soon”.
To those who will have the patience to wait for me: I take a plunge into life and its pitfalls, only to return richer in values, experiences and life.
I will not forget you. Rather, I will love you even more.
See you soon, I love you.
Sincerely, your “adventurer”.
© Alex Negrini — Be Adventurer, 2022
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