Today is interesting to have a love relationship. I called it distant commitment.
Usually, the relationships start online or like long-distance ones. When it starts, both parties have their own lives and enjoy this type of relationship.
I called it distant commitment because it sounds right to me. Between the time for real-life family members, work, and own things to do, the virtual partners stay far behind in priorities of each other.
This situation is like: I am with you, but only when I have time. That is not bad, though, because partners stay independent. They develop themselves as persons, and when they need someone to talk they speak to each other.
But this is not a real commitment. It is like an illusion that will stay the same if both partners don’t make things more realistic. They should give a deadline for when their relationship goes real. It doesn’t matter will the communication goes over the phone or on video chat. If both partners care for each other seriously, they will make a slight commitment. They hear out each other and have regular video meetings or phone calls. There should be a connection for the distant commitment to become a real one.
That happens only if the partners are ready for a relationship.
Many people were hurt.
While women always keep looking for love outside sexual boundaries and want to go deeper into soul connections, men do not want to deal with too many emotions. That way, in the distant commitment male’s part of the relationship, goes sexually dependent and satisfied.
Meanwhile, the women’s side of this type of relation creates illusions that fill the mind with pink and idealistic visions.
But until when?
Probably until it makes both partners happy with this.
The truth for distant commitment looks bright for people who do not want to commit to the relationship and prefer to live in their own mind’s world.
And why not since there is someone else that allows that to happen?
Distant commitment is not a real commitment to a couple’s relationship. It becomes real when there are more than only words in your free time. Under more, I mean sincere interest, respect, and communication. If they miss, the distant commitment will stay longer.
At some point in the relationship, one of the persons wakes up from the pink bubble dream and moves out of this imaginary relationship. When the person moves out, it may be completely broken.
My thought is the distant commitment is not worth it if both sides do not want to engage in a real relationship. That can happen if both sides have mutual feelings, shown with actions. Everyone can speak great words, after all.
But many people fear committing and prefer this kind of relationship. Reasons for choosing this type of relationship for people are:
- Fear from a broken heart
- Past toxic relationship
- Unreadiness to commit
- No will to have a relationship
- Comfort in their single life as it is
Fear from a broken heart
is the most common reason for distant commitment. When people experience too many one-sided loves and dumping, they have felt too many times hurt and build walls that make them expect the next man or woman they meet will reject them too. Usually, it happens like that. Because what people create in their minds is what they attract.
Rejection is not a good thing, but it gives options.
Depending on the point of view after the rejection, people see an opportunity to grow or an isolated exit from their future love life. Choices are made by the individuals, of their own accord.
If persons see the opportunity to grow, they will know what they can do if another rejection happens and get by it easier. Choosing an isolated exit to love life, people make the same mistakes with different partners.
Heart always will be broken from smaller or bigger life situations, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Living together with another person, or dating them, is always a challenge. It needs a lot of work and too many heart’s walls falling. If opening the heart doesn’t happen, there is no relationship and no commitment.
After every breakup, it is hard, after every rejection too, but without them, a person can not grow and be who is in the present. I do not mean people should go fast after another partner when their heart is broken or seek someone who breaks their heart, but isolating is not the answer.
Past toxic relationships
are a serious reason for distant commitment. When people are in love, they are blinded.
At first, the meeting with a potential partner is about body chemistry. When the sex desire is consuming, and the two people move in together, problems arise. If they rely only on sexual attraction, it is a matter of time for this aspect to turn their relationship toxic. It may even lead to aggressive sexual abuse or too many quarrels if the body's needs are not satisfied.
When there is a lack of emotional and communicational bonds, it is easy once strong sexual attraction to turns into toxic and violent abuse.
Partners are so interested only in their bodies that they become obsessive.
When sexual activity is not the same as in the first encounters between the couple, there is a high possibility that leads to abusive extremes in the relationship between both partners.
Sexual tension between two people is a good thing, but not in the long term or when it comes to commitment. Many people believe that when they have great intimate life every other problem in the relationship between them will be solved.
My last relationship also started as “love at first sight” with too much passion and chemistry.
In the end, I lost myself in all the toxic situations I got – from quarrels to unacceptance of myself by the other person. The lack of emotional communication turns the stones of the relationship that started only from sexual attraction. It makes the once beautiful relationship that filled the partner’s heads with joy and excitement toxic.
Good songs that explain good toxic relationships are Rhianna’s and Eminem’s “Love the way you lie” songs. Some people are so blindly in love with the illusion or the body of their partner. They go to an extreme to obsess with their partner because their love is like a sickness. Some individuals like it, others do not, but the truth is that when there is a past toxic relations experience, there is no such a thing as commitment. The fear is too big.
People hope the same to not happen as in former relationships. That is a huge mistake, and it should be fixed by self-healing or even going to a psychologist. The former toxic relationships create a stop for the persons to open their hearts and accept eventual new lovers. The trauma is too deep and needs a lot of time to heal. People with past toxic relationships fear being loved in the wrong way and lack self-love. We all know that when there is no self-love is hard to love someone else. It is needed strong encouragement and love to move out from the mindset of past toxic relationships.
Distant commitment in these situations is preferred by the people who do not want a serious relationship because they feel it is safer to commit not in reality. But I tell again, the distant commitment outside sincere communication and clear signals is nothing more than just a dream about some spectacular romance found in the books.
Unreadiness to commit
is the main reason people choose distant commitment. Many people grew up in bad family situations. They decide they will not marry and have only fun with other partners. When they feel something more toward a potential date, they just run away from responsibility toward the other person. The reason is they saw how the things between their parents did not work and were fake.
On a subconscious level, the individual fears he makes the same mistake in choosing the wrong partner as the parents and has an unpleasant situation. That makes the person not ready to commit.
Being in distant commitment is intoxicating for unready for commitment people. They can say they have a relationship, are false in their own eyes and the eyes of others, and believe they have someone. In their mind everything is possible. When they have the time they chat with their crush. The feeling about it is good because the writing is without sincere care for the needs of another partner.
Unreadiness to commit can be gone through if the person wants to try going out of the self-built feeling’s walls. That happens sooner or later, but when the time is too far in the future, the eventual partner from the distant commitment is long gone.
No will to have a relationship
is also often met in the present. Many people are self-sufficient and do not want a relationship because they do not want to deal with other people’s emotions. Some of those who do not want a relationship are narcissists, and they look for one only to show themselves they are still wanted and unique.
People who work too much, and have high ambitions, sometimes do not want relationships because they fear they make them distracted. But the right partner never will distract the loved one if there is mutual acceptance and understanding. Some individuals were disappointed in all kinds of relationships so much that they isolate themselves from any human contact. They prefer not to communicate with other people and usually transfer their love to the animals.
Everyone has been betrayed many times in their lives. It is about the choice to close your mind, heart, and body to others or not.
Relationships – business or emotional, are inevitable as much as persons run from them, so it is better to be accepted. In the end, all people do in their lives starts and finishes with other’s people participation. For that reason, the distant commitment I speak about is also a safer place for narcissists and people who do not want relationships. But at some point, they get tired of this writing and not feeling close to other human bodies. If they do not, well, that is stubbornness and will that made me envious. I tell that again, it is about choices people make daily.
But the real commitment needs two bodies and souls that inspire each other. Just because it is clear that people look for a place they can go into by the psychology.
Comfort in their single life as it is
by people is a temporary situation in which they need to recollect themselves. Distant commitment is well for a short-term relationship if the two people do not want to go deeper at the moment. But they usually know it is not a real thing, but prefer to stay in distant commitments because they do not want to leave their single life. And that is okay, but only if it is temporary.
Usually, people that broke up go fast into distant commitments to fill the void of last love. They feel treasured and filled with the emotional holes of not being appreciated. They perfectly know that and do not want something more than writing with unknown people. It is like writing psychological talk that makes them feel better. But they begin to feel emotionally attached, and this can turn the newly found relationship.
The Distant commitment is a good beginning of something serious, but sometimes it can lead to another toxic relationship. Usually, when two people in distant commitment relations meet, they go for sex most of the time. After that, the relationship goes down to the starting point of the meeting between two strangers. The distant commitment fling finishes as fast as it began. That is not in all cases.
Until the distant commitment lasts, both participants in it may mature and build a strong connection. In different cases, the distant commitment may turn into a beautiful relationship. That depends on the feelings that are put in it by both partners and the bond they created. The time they spent together is of importance. If it is quality time and they stood by each other’s side in the distant commitment issues. That transforms the relationship into a strong union between two minds. When the minds are connected, bodies naturally follow that connection.
As a romanticist, I can say some distant commitments end like a fairytale. I wish everyone that.
But what is the difference between distant commitment, casual relationship, and friends with benefits relationship?
You can read a lot about these topics on the Internet. I have read too much about them too, but I do not add sources. I state my opinion.
Distant commitment – I write you when I have time, and I do not care what will happen or when you write me back.
A casual relationship means We always have someone to cuddle, do sex with, and spend time together, but that doesn’t mean I am interested in a commitment to you.
Friends with benefits mean We are great friends and meet our needs in sex, but that will not make us lovers or go in the long-term romance run.
The conclusion is that all of these types of relationships have the potential to be true love, soulmates meetings, or even long-time marriages. The components in these relations are how much people want to invest in them as time, feelings, and communication.
When starting any kind of relationship, both partners should make clear to each other what they do. They should be clear about how happy are they in their relationships.
Did they overcome the fears that can make them distant?
In my opinion, all these relationships stay fake until both partners do not decide to break up or commit. Of course, they should spend a lot of time talking to make clear what they want.
Every distant relationship – commitment, casual or beneficial needs to have a deadline. I mean when the relationship will end or be closer in terms of moving to another partner’s life. I know my statement sounds not good, but we all have one life to live to waste it with something illusional. If we love or like someone, we need to be closer physically. Not for sex, but for a supporting shoulder if the partner needs it.
Even if there is a risk, people should think carefully about what they want from their relationships, otherwise, both partners will be hurt.
I never start a long-distance relationship if I do not intend to make it close to one in a certain period. But many people keep up with the flow of life. It is about the choice once again.