Dear Me,
Hey its been a while you did not scribble on your drawing sheets. You have not penned down all your thoughts, nor have you summoned up the cheerfulness and have gone for a simple walk. You are not doing the things that once you loved to do!
Honey, what went wrong? Do you think by behaving like this will he come back to you? By isolating yourself from everyone and lying in the bed everyday won't take you anywhere right?
Do not make someone your whole world, learn to make them a part of your small world, even if they walk out it won't hurt because it was just a part of your world right!
I know you still get the illusions of you and him holding hands in your perfect. Maybe you both are trying to work this all out, but he does not care and that is the reality. In your perfect world he is still by your side even if he is not yours.
You tried everything that you could, you hurt yourself just to make him stay, said sorry when it was not your fault, but he does not still care at all. He cannot see your efforts to work this out... For him you are just a faded memory.
So there is no point in living in a perfect world of illusions and dreaming of being with him. Wake up to your imperfect world and try to make it perfect by being the older version of yourself. Make promises to yourself that you will be better from what you were yesterday and make everyone jaw drop and stare.
Take Care! Yours, -A.